I can't believe how pathetic I feel about this whole separation thing. I mean, come ON--Pete has been deployed to war zones and we've gone MONTHS without hearing from him, why is it that five weeks is this much of a problem for me?
Because it just is. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with the fact that I really, truly do MISS my husband. I feel disconnected from him and therefore from myself. I feel out of place everywhere I go. I'm lonely. But for the first time in my married life, I am giving myself permission to FEEL it. During the war, I had to be the strong, rock-solid one that two dozen blubbering and sometimes clueless military wives (and one mom that I will never, EVER forget) called on at all hours of the day for six solid months. I had to be the one that everyone else drew strength from; I had to be the one who told everyone else that it would be alright, that they really could survive; I was the one who lived the independent, stony exterior while on the inside I was just falling apart, day after day. I HURT from the loneliness, and it was anything but healthy to allow myself to do that. I'm not going to do that anymore.
No, Pete isn't going to war zones--yet--the United Arab Emirates next year is still one that I'm undecided on as far as his safety goes. But he's still not here with me, and I can't deny the fact that it really does cause me emotional pain for him to be gone. I truly cannot WAIT till he gets off that plane next Friday! No, not because I want to run away from the kids and get some peace. Well...okay, I *do* need at least a slight break where I can go somewhere by myself and just enjoy a little bit of solitude, but that's not why I'm looking forward to having him home again! Why is it that people seem to think that when you have a large family, all your husband is good for to you is 'babysitting' and household chore-sharing? Why is it that I'm not allowed to be lonely and just need to have my beloved here with me where I can see him and talk to him face-to-face? I am no different from any other woman who misses her man--I'm glad we're on our last six days!
That said, I'm expecting quite a week ahead of us! I just received a free Christopher Columbus unit study from The Old Schoolhouse Magazine's Teacher's Toolbox so I think we're going to slightly 'interrupt' our regular history study for a week to study Columbus--leading up to a pretty amazing 'field trip' to Guntersville next Saturday *with Daddy* to see replicas of the Nina and Pinta! I'm hoping to be able to swing a few minutes' time tomorrow evening to get my dining room curtains sewn and hung. It shouldn't take long; a couple of straight stitches and a few screws should do the trick! I really wanted to get the opportunity to get my paint touch-ups done, but considering I'm never really without ten extra hands--some of which REALLY love to get "involved" in whatever Mom is doing, that just never happened. Other than the paint and the curtains, the dining room for now is DONE and I'm quite pleased with how it looks! When Pete is home and I don't feel so odd about having a repairman in the house while I'm alone with five little girls, we'll have the fireplace opened up (for the first time in over nine years, from what I'm told!) and serviced so we can enjoy a nice warm fire.
Next week's other main project? The master bedroom. It's horrific, there's no better way to put it. I sleep in it and dress in it; that's pretty much the extent of what's been done behind those walls this last month. Eek!
Today was pretty rough, but tomorrow, I'm expecting to have that last-week 'high' hit me as I kick into gear to get ready for Pete to come home! Yay!