Mom's Losing It!!

When we finally reach the end of our homeschool days and our seventh child graduates from high school (who, given her current level of energy and the width of her damage path, is obviously geared toward either catastrophic world domination or the colonization of Mars), I wil have been at this for a grand total of thirty years. THIRTY. I am tired just thinking about that number. My mother retired from teaching in the public school system with just a couple more years than that. I'm thinking that's quite enough, thanks much. I'll go volunteer at a funeral home after that, where it's quiet and my charges don't talk back.

Yes, today was one of  **those** days. How could you tell? You know, when I have my homeschool retirement party the week after that last graduation, I already know what the theme will be. Let's recap today's highlights and see if you can guess. 

Child: "Mom, I don't get this."

Mom: "What are the directions asking you to do?

Child: "I don't know."

Mom: "Read the directions to me."

[Child reads directions clearly]

Mom: "Now what do you need to do?

Child: "I dunno."

Mom: "What did the directions say?"

[Child repeats directions]

Mom: "So what do you need to do?"

Child: "I dunno."

[Mom explains directions slowly and in English, pointing to dictionary to reference any ill-understood words, then looks into child's eyes for some signs of life.]

Mom: "Doooooooooo thhiiiiiiiisssss."

Child: "But I don't get it."

Mom: "Read the directions."

Child: "I did."

Mom: "So what are you supposed to do?"

[Child explains assignment with precision regurgitation of mom's instructions.]

Mom: "Great! So do that."

Child: "Do what?"

Have you guessed the theme? This has now happened with three of my seven children. It never gets less exasperating. It has become the padding in my cell. So it's only fitting that the theme of my homeschool momy retirement party be ...

"Who's On First?"